Finding Sexual Solace in Porn

I am a nineteen year old male student; I just got admitted into the University. My name is Scott, I’m tall and I’m very much your average looking guy. I had a girlfriend once when I was in high school but we didn’t seem to click for long because we were always having fights after fights for no particular reason. She was sweet though for some time until we started having these crazy dramas over and over again. We were both novices because both of us had never been in a relationship before. She was really smart and beautiful, and there were a lot of guys vying for her attention.

I must confess; I was crazily jealous, and I was always acting needy. I was always trying to know where she was, who she was with, what they were doing, how long they’ve been there, when she planned to leave there, why she went there in the first place etc. I was willing to know all of her moves.

Maybe I was going too far with my insecurities, but who could possibly blame me for trying to hold on to what belonged to me? Well, it didn’t take long before she started acting all weird and unapproachable. She started creating space between us, telling her friends not to allow me to see her. I was startled by what she was doing, because she didn’t even give me chance to speak with her. These went on for about two weeks and I was already going crazy but I didn’t know what to do.

I had different options, but I didn’t want to damage my reputation with her as an easy going guy who is not capable of causing any sort of trouble. Well, I got tired of her behaviour, and confronted her at the cafeteria. She wasn’t cool with it at all, it was a disaster. I felt embarrassed that day because of the way I handled her; she was shouting “leave me alone, you are hurting me”. It was bad because a lot of people were there that day.

After that scenario, I knew within me that that was pretty much the end of it all. Although I kept wondering for a while what really made her to change her behaviour towards me; could it be that my neediness and insecurity was too much for her to handle, or was it that she was already seeing another guy. My curiosity didn’t matter after all, because we did not get back together again.

One of the things that I still can’t forget about our relationship is the crazy sex we used to have together. The first time wasn’t the typical magical sex I’d imagined it would be because we were both virgins. It was my first time of actually making out with a girl, she had made out with guys a couple of times before, but they never got to the stage of having the real sex. But afterwards, we started getting comfortable with each other and the sex gradually turned to something we were both enjoying.

However, since we broke up I have not had sex with anyone; I have relied solely on masturbating to porn movies for my sexual satisfaction. I wouldn’t say I prefer it to real sex, but it sure gives me the opportunity to harness most of my sexual fantasies. Although all these fantasies are not being carried out by me in real life, but I feel fulfilled most time I watch the porn stars do them.

These days, I concentrate more on the fetish category. This might sound creepy to some people because I get aroused to what many people does not find exciting; but that’s me. Don’t get me wrong, sex is good, and I love it, but with all the unanticipated noise, and sweat, and all the bodily fluids; I think I’m going to continue watching porn for a long while.

Author – Scott W.