Five Tips for Discussing Pornography with Your Partner

porn is boring (34)

Some couples are so comfortable with pornography that they watch it together to spice up their sex life. Other couples may be completely turned off by this idea. When it really becomes troublesome, however, is when one partner enjoys pornography and the other is troubled by it. If you find yourself in the situation of enjoying porn yourself but having a partner who disapproves, here are five tips for discussing it with them:

Tip #1: Adopt an Understanding Mindset

Before you ever start the conversation, you need to be open minded and try to view things through your partner’s eyes. Their view of pornography may be entirely different from yours, and it’s important to understand where they are coming from if you hope to have a meaningful dialogue.

Does your partner think watching porn is a form of cheating? If so, why do you think they might feel that way? Does your watching porn make them feel self-conscious about their own body and/or sexual performance?

Asking yourself questions such as these and trying to honestly evaluate the objections your partner might have to you watching porn is an important first step in having this conversation.

Tip #2: Bring the Topic Up Yourself

Instead of waiting on your partner to bring up the topic at a time when they may be frustrated and already have their defenses up, bring the topic up yourself at an appropriate time. A calm, understanding discussion that you yourself begin will be far more effective than trying to persuade them in the middle of an argument.

Tip #3: Outline Your Reasons for Watching Porn

If your partner views porn differently than you, they my genuinely not understand why you would want to watch it and may see it as a sign of your dissatisfaction with them. Whatever your reasons are, carefully outline them, making sure to address and dismiss any concerns your partner may have.

There are a variety of reasons for watching porn. Perhaps you require sexual release more often than your partner is able/willing to provide it, or perhaps you are exploring fantasies your partner would not be comfortable participating in in real-life. Whatever your reasons may be, thoughtfully and carefully explain it to them.

Tip #4: Suggest Watching Porn Together

This is actually a great way to start the conversation in the first place if you feel like bringing it up out of the blue isn’t a good idea. When the topic of sex comes up, suggest that the two of you watch porn together.

If your partner goes for it, great! It gives you the chance for both you and your partner to enjoy it together and to change their outlook on it. Even if they aren’t sold on the idea, offering to watch it with them will show that you are not trying to use porn to replace them and may ease some of their jealousies.

Tip #5: Be Prepared to Compromise

If all fails, and your partner is still opposed to the idea of you watching porn, you must be prepared to ask yourself which you value more: pornography or them.

Sneaking around and trying to watch porn behind their back is a bad idea, and eventually you will be caught. If you are unable to convince them to see things your way, you must either give up pornography, or be prepared to give up your partner.

Personally we suggest keeping your partner. They’re a lot more fun than porn, but that’s a decision you have to make on your own. Even more importantly, it’s one you need to be prepared to make before you ever begin the discussion of watching porn with your partner.  

Author – B.R.

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